Ten Lessons Disney Might Not Have Had in Mind

By - February 5, 2013

While it is true that fairy tales can come true, I have to be honest here: I think in a lot of ways, Disney did me a disservice as a child.  And I’m not just talking about those traumatized moments in a dark theatre watching Mufasa tumble to his ugly death, either, though that was enough.  No, I’m talking about the lessons I could have learned from the subtext of all the animated films I watched as a child.  Thankfully, I had my b.s. booster shot early, so I was immune to this, but the more I watch these films, the more I worry about the children who, let’s just say, might be more on the Honey Boo Boo channels rather than the Discovery channels.  Here are the top ten lessons I’m concerned they might be taking away:

10.)  Don’t talk to strangers unless they’re beautiful.  Only the wrinkly, old ugly strangers will try to kill you with produce. 

9.)  It’s totally worth it to sell your soul, body parts, or integral personality traits for a man.  You can turn back on all these vital pieces of you once you have the man!

8.)  It’s okay to leave an expensive high heel on the steps of a castle if you’re running late enough.

7.)  Living with seven strange men in a forest is completely socially acceptable so long as they are very short.

6.)  The pesky relatives who will try to take your money after you die will be easily recognizable to your friends and family, because they will always have a giant facial scar.

5.)  French people only speak French when greeting others or making excited exclamations.

4.)  You can have hair that is sixteen feet long that is never messy or unhealthy, but the second it is shorter, it will have split-ends.

3.)  A man who slurps his soup messily from the bowl can in the next ten seconds turn out to be not only a graceful dancer, but he will be the best waltz partner you’ve ever had.

2.)  A skunk won’t spray you.

1.)  You can work a waitressing job for years and outright buy a building to start your own restaurant without ever having to talk to a loan officer.

What did you learn from a Disney movie?  What are you concerned kids could be learning?