Goldfish: An A to Z Shenanigan

By - April 8, 2013

Yes, today, I’ve decided to launch another animal cool-ety campaign, but only because I have realized I’ve never addressed a problem I should’ve called out long ago.  My friends, he is none other than the goldfish.

But you know what friends?  The goldfish, who is so popular among people who want to win a pet by throwing a ball at it in a carnival, has a shocking but not-so-well-kept secret.  The secret is known by many, and yet, for some reason, he has charmed so many people that they simply look the other way despite learning the outrageous truth: he is not necessarily gold.

You heard right, Blog Club.  Goldfish can be a variety of colors.  So, why the treachery?

I for one believe it is not due to a deliberate malicious scheme on the goldfish’s part, but rather, because he is attempting to be a part of the fishness protection program (Or FPP).  If he tries to pass himself off as a goldfish, he will be adopted by a person to live in the safety of a small glass bowl and far away from the fish mafia who put a hit out on him long ago when he became a FBI (Fish Bureau of Investigation) informant.

So, ladies and gents, don’t judge this fish based on the color of his skin—er—scales.  Instead, have mercy on his soul, and take his little fish self home.  Heck, I did my part-- members of the FPP were the centerpieces at my wedding!

Have you ever had a pet goldfish?