Irrational Fears: An A to Z Shenanigan

By - April 10, 2013

If you didn't already know this, let's get this out of the way: I'd rather pass another kidney stone and/or cut out my own kidney than go to the dentist.  There it is. I've said it. I have an irrational fear of the dentist, and I'm not afraid to say it loud and proud. 

But here's the thing about irrational fears: for some reason, people tend to think they can rationalize with you in regard to them. You see, people who aren't scared of whatever you have a phobia of aren't scared of whatever you fear. Now, I realize you're probably saying, "Really, Ambassador Obvious?" Nevertheless, it's not obvious. At least not to them. 

And it's not like they don't mean well, because they really are trying to be nice to you and help you. And it's not like they don't understand irrational fears, because chances are, they have them, too.

Yet, the last time I went to the dreaded dentist, there I was, nearly catatonic with fear in the dentist's chair, yet I was constantly hearing things like, "Oh, it's not so bad."  Heh. Not so bad, eh? How about I dump this basket of spiders on you? That won't be so bad.  Right, Mrs. Arachnaphobia? Why don't we just walk casually into this enclosed space for thirty minutes? I don't think it'll be so bad, Mr. Claustrophobic. Oh, why, Miss Coulrophobia...would you like to go to the circus with me? 

Then, there's the other popular phrase they like to say to me: "Yeah, I'm not fond of going to the dentist, either."  Right. I'm sweating through my jeans right now, I just sucked my gum down my throat by accident while I was hyperventilating, and you're "not fond of it"? I'm not fond of the wacky neighbor who saves newspaper clippings of every theatre article that comes out for me and loads up my mailbox with them. I'm not fond of Jennifer Anistan's haircut. Saying I'm not fond of the dentist is like saying I'm not fond of being doused in gasoline and set on fire.

So, as a public service announcement, the next time you try to rationalize with someone who has an irrational fear, just remember: they aren't fond of people trying to rationalize with them.

Do you have any irrational fears?