(When Life Gives You) LEMONS: An A to Z Shenanigan
By - April 13, 2013
Before I move on to the post, I must catch you up on one thing in case you've never read my blog(s) before: the mailman only brings bad news. Avoid him at all costs, for he is sneaky and vicious and potentially violent if cornered. Disclaimer: This post is not intended to discriminate against all mailmen, but rather, only the ones who bring rejection letters, bills, junk mail, and the like. Oh, wait, that IS all of them. Sorry mailmen... I also think children between the ages of four and eight can read minds. On to the post!
People always say, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade," but I don't really believe in this saying. I do, however, think there are some other potentially good things you could do with the lemons, so without further ado I present to you the top ten things to do when life deals you lemons:
1.) Throw the lemons. Hard. And at the mailman.
2.) Hold a lemon seed spitting contest and charge fifteen bucks per person to enter. I'm telling you, there will be those who wish to enter, and then it's pure profit since you got the lemons for free from life anyway.
3.) Dig the guts out of the middle of the lemons and then use the rinds to wallpaper a room. It might rot away in a few days, sure, but it'll smell really good in the meantime!
4.) Slice open the lemons, dip them in paint, and make fun lemon slice prints (on the mailman's face). It's colorful, plus the pattern is attractive!
5.) Attempt to sell the lemons to those neighborhood kids who have a lemonade stand. However, be watchful for mind reading attempts, because if you aren't careful they'll know what you're up to. I'd suggest offering them two lemons for the price of one. This would probably work out well. And then haha! The joke is on them, because you've already squeezed all of the juice out of those lemons you just sold them. Take that, mind readers! Read that!
6.) Squirt the lemon juice in your hair and sit in the sun. Bake for approximately four hours at ninety degrees until edges are a crisp blonde.
7.) And while you're squirting the lemon juice into your hair, squirt some into the mailman's eye, just for good measure!
8.) Gather your friends around for a good, old-fashioned lemon tossing party. It's like hot potato, except it's not a potato, it's a lemon. And it's not hot.
9.) Draw a face on the lemon and call him Fred. Then stab Fred with a fork. Yep, life, that's what I do to your lemons! So don't try that again, because I don't mess around!
10.) Plant the lemon's seeds and try to grow your own lemon tree (Side note: because think of how many lemons you'd have to chunk at the mailman if you had your own lemon tree!).
And, I must implore you: if life does give you lemons, and you absolutely must use them to make lemonade rather than using them for these other creative suggestions I've given you, please do me one favor. All I ask is that after you make the lemonade, you spit in it and then offer the mailman a cold beverage.
What would you do with the lemons?
FLASH POINT (Dr. Jenna Ramey #3)
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