A New Year is Upon Us!

By Colby Marshall - January 23, 2014

 

Ah, the New Year’s Resolution.  That thing we hear about every end of December (and won’t hear about again after the second week of January until the next December). Seriously, Blog Club, what is up with people thinking they need to make lists upon lists of things that finally, this year, they’re going to get done? 

Okay, maybe that was a little harsh.  After all, I do get it.  A new year brings a new hope, a fresh chance to turn all those lazy days into productive speed-fests.  A chance to polish those old turds a new, so that at the end of the day, even if they’re still turds, they have a little sheen on them. And that is something in itself. 

But I think where many go wrong are the, vast, broad-scoped resolutions numbered high enough to rival the Dalai Lama’s very age to the point that the list would not only be impossible to keep up with and do justice, but to even define at all. Look at all of the people, for example, who are resolving this new year to “get fit.”  What the hell does that even mean?  Do these people want to fit in with the crowd at their local pub’s poker night?  Buy clothes that are closer to the right size?  Whose right size?  Shaq’s?  Barbara Streisand’s?  That kid from Judging Amy’s?

I joke, I joke. Of course, I’m assuming that when they list “get fit”, they mean they would like to strive to attain some sort of vague physical standard they’ve determined will make the adequate enough of a physical specimen so that they can feel good about themselves.  But my question is, how the heck can you manage to work to meet such ill-defined criteria, much less accomplish a goal regarding said conditions if you don’t know what the end result is?  After all, “fit” isn’t a universal concept. To some people, “fit” means being able to run a half a marathon in an hour and thirty minutes, have a six pack of abs to rival a bodybuilder, and be able to bench press your own boyfriend for at least 15 reps a day while he hurls spit balls at you through his smoothie straw.  For others, “fit” just means feeling good about occasionally wearing pants with zippers and buttons instead of drawstrings and the ability able to climb the two flights of stairs to their apartment without having to worry they should dial a medic on the way up and ask him to meet them at the top just in case their heart gives by the time they reach the door.

But what if, for just this year, we made the New Year’s Resolutions that weren’t the kind we “should” make or are “expected to” make?  What if for this one year, we made New Year’s Resolutions that would really do something in our lives at best, and ridiculously entertain ourselves at worst?  This year, I challenge you to make the best resolutions you can make: the most honest, the most needed, the most trivial, the most outlandish…make the most embarrassing ones, the hardest ones, the ones that will call your lazy butt out and shame it mercilessly so that you will never half-ass your resolutions again. 

I challenge you to make the most serious, real resolutions you can this year.  If you do, I guarantee that no matter what happens to them, you’ll stand a much better chance of keeping one or two of those specific, real promises that mean something to you than any of those all-encompassing, difficult, formless monsters you take up on a whim.

And now, to help you get started in thinking about what your REAL New Year’s Resolutions should be, I’m going to let you in on mine. So here they are: my brutally honest, deplorably silly, embarrassingly candid, awfully shallow, sadly trivial, seriously desired, dorkishly needed list of New Year’s resolutions I’d like to hold myself to this year:

10.)  I’m going to start blogging again. I used to really love blogging once a day. But, since I’m not stupid or reckless, I won’t set myself up for failure by saying I’ll do it again every single day for an entire year. Instead, I’ll blog 5 days a week (hopefully the weekdays).

9.)  I will make a concerted effort to not type the letters “lol” at the end of any text message or e-mail just because it makes me feel like whatever I just said will come across better.  I know there will be times when I will fail, but I do solemnly swear that I will strive to cut this practice in half.

8.)  I will take 30 minutes every day to do a little cleaning up in one room of the house that needs it most.

7.) I will write 500 words a day in a work in progress, even if those words suck, should be ripped in half, and lit on fire by Satan himself.  It’s the only way to keep a manuscript moving.

6.) I will make another blog music video this year, because I miss doing it, and I need that back in my life.

5.) I will pace myself, and I will know when I’m stretching myself too thin.  I will only commit to things when I can and want to, rather than over-committing because I want to make everyone happy.

4.) I will take my maternity leave and enjoy it spending that special time with my newborn, relaxing, and adjusting.  For those few weeks, everything else can wait.

3.) I’ll cut myself just a little more slack and remember that I’m only a human.

2.) I’ll remember every day to be grateful for the parts of my life that are the most important, and I'll 

remember to treat them and cherish them the way they deserve.

1.) I will make a point to let the people I love and care about know that I do, and I will try to do it in such
a way that it will mean the most to them. 

So, there you have it…a little late, but those are my resolutions for this year.  Hopefully, I’ll keep a handful. 

What are yours?