My Wildest Dream

By - January 28, 2013

You know what they say about assuming.  (You know…them.  I have a huge fear of those mysterious people known as them, but that’s another post for another time.)  You also know what they say about clichés, but I digress.

Most people assume that because I write thrillers, my fondest dreams involve scenarios where I’m a Lara Croft-esque badass chasing bad guys, a gun in each hand and a knife in each heel.  While that is a super cool idea—heels that whip out switchblades—it’s definitely not what I think about in the little spare time I have.  No, my wildest ambition in life is actually to ride a hippopotamus.  A huge, gray, slick, live hippopotamus, and I’d like to ride it side-saddle.

I’m not entirely sure where I became fascinated with the idea, to be honest.  Maybe it was the many times I listened to “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” as a child.  Perhaps it was that episode of some sort of most dangerous animals show I saw years ago.  But no matter what started it, there’s something about that sexy beast that just makes me want to climb onto his back and take him as my steed. (Wow, that sounds dirtier than it is, though I would make him my hippo-whore, and I would make him like it.)

Inevitably, every time I tell someone about this dream, they feel it necessary to inform me that hippopotami are extremely aggressive and would most likely attack me if I attempted to mount one (except my best friend Ashlee, who takes pictures like the one to the right with me).  Maybe this is where I do have delusions of becoming a Lara Croft-esque badass, because I truly believe I could whip that angry ‘potamus into submission and win his undying allegiance. (I have now officially used the words sexy, whore, mount, and whip in a post about a hippo.  This is going to produce some interesting Google results.)  For me, his temperament and reputation is part of what would make my conquest the most satisfying (oh, my.  Now I’ve used conquest, too.  I swear I’m not meaning to do this!).  After all, what is a dream if no challenge is involved? 

I suppose I started writing thrillers the same way.  Sure, it’s a little tough to find out how far Secret Service protection extends around the president without landing yourself on a few government watch lists.  But hey!  Being on the list has its benefits!  You know if your house gets broken into, the FBI is right across the street to intervene.  They’re also convenient to have around when your friend’s dinner party date cancels last minute and you need one more guest so the table doesn’t look awkwardly uneven.

So, those are a couple of my dreams.  They aren’t exactly normal, but if normal was required, where would Richard Simmons be?  What’s your wildest dream you hope will one day come true?

Comments

Be the first to comment on this post!

Add New Comment