Capital Q's and Other Atrocities

By - April 19, 2013

The capital letter Q accounts for a lot of things, and one of them is trauma.  This might sound like a lot of nonsense, but I promise you, it's not!  The capital letter Q is the poster child for the sadistic streak primary school's have in the shape of a little subject called “penmanship.”   

Every time I think about this, I think, let me get this straight: we first learn how to “print.” Then, after learning that, we should basically erase our knowledge of those letters and learn a new set of letters entirely. Yeah, that makes sense. You know that letter “m” we just taught you that has two humps? Well, the joke’s on you, because it has three now. Take that! Now back to print: it has two. 

And while you’re at it, children, remember that spelling counts. So sound it out. Bow. (Sounds like BOUGH…which does not sound like TOUGH, which does sound like ROUGH but not like THROUGH.) This is not to be confused with bow, which sounds like row. Sew sounds like row, too, but we threw (not through) an “e” in there just to keep it interesting, keep you guessing. No (not nough, which is not a word…not know, which is a word but not this word) wonder so (not sew) many Americans have atrocious spelling. (Side note: for those of you worried about the spelling of “atrocious,” an alternate spelling is B-A-D). 

So, as far as I know (NO!) the Chinese don’t have an extra letter set to make their characters “pretty” like we do. So what is cursive for, anyway? (Side note: Please note the root word of “cursive” is “curse.”) Answer: Cursive is how we break the children of the mind reading (Side note: if you don't know about my thoughts on child mind reading, here you go). Think about it…this is the age when the mind reading stops. As soon as they learn cursive, the psychic episodes end. Why is this?

Probably because they are too damn confused about why the capital cursive “Q” looks like the number two (hey, that rhymed!) that they don’t have the time or brain power to focus their telepathic energies. Way to beat them into submission, English Language! You go, girl! (Side note: Yes, the English Language is a girl. No, I don’t know why. No more questions.)

Why do you suppose the Q looks like a 2?